Any relationship will include mistakes and missteps and thus, require forgiveness as a result. Forgiveness can be defined as to: stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake; however, it’s hard for many people to really understand and comprehend that meaning. Ergo, the word “forgiveness” has become distorted and changed into something much less significant, turning into a shallow and hollow phrase.

What is so interesting about forgiveness is the juxtaposition between our connotation and the true reality of the word. For many, the connotation with forgiveness is freedom; it is the feeling of letting go and lifting a weight of one’s shoulders. But, forgiveness is anything but that pure and innocent feeling. The road to forgiveness can be ugly because it is in relation to human error, and humans can be ugly. Forgiveness is letting go of emotions like: hatred, regret, and sadness. It is bringing yourself to accept the suffering caused by another and yet, continue your relationship with them despite your suffering.

The question that arises then is when forgiveness is warranted and when it is not. Notwithstanding the fact that since birth children are taught to forgive, it is not always the best option. In certain circumstances, people should not be forgiven for what they have done. But how are we to decide then who is forgiven and is not? Humans are fundamentally imperfect beings; our sense of judgement is not always right or true. So, there is truly no person on Earth that can rightfully decide who should be offered forgiveness and who should not. That makes the decision up to the individual. If that is the case then: murderers, rapists, and abusers can all theoretically be offered forgiveness. The question has evolved into what acts are forgivable for the specific individual and under what circumstances; the question now is who can the individual be sympathetic enough towards that forgiveness is truly an option, and that all depends on the person.

Distorting forgiveness seems to be a common motif in more complex relationships like a long-running friendship or a romantic partner; relationships that have built up intense feelings and companionship between the people involved. These relationships can create an unnecessary obligation for forgiveness. The obligation of it makes the forgiveness insincere and proceeds to complicates feelings further between those involved. When forgiveness is expected, then it is untrue and the feelings that are supposed to be let go fester and linger. Imagine a pair of best friends fight over a boy, and one of them ends up dating him. The other friend feels guilty for being mad and “forgives” their friend for stealing their love interest; however, that friend really just grows more bitter over the years.

Forgiveness, the genuine kind, is difficult and that is what makes it so admirable. No one can be forced to forgive, and it is hard to forgive someone multiple times especially for the same mistakes. Forgiveness is something not to take for granted because people are not always able to forgive, even if they want to.