Just gonna say it now, and say it proud, this article contains major spoilers of the newest “Halloween” movie. It also contains mildly graphic descriptions of some scenes. Viewer discretion advised.

Michael Myers has always shown signs of a common serial killer: killing small animals, withdrawal, silence, and you know… killing people.

In the latest film, Myers is committed into a secure psych ward after a string of murders. Being placed here, he is analyzed by Dr. Hawkins. One critique I have for this situation: why didn’t they execute him rather than “analyzing” him?

Hawkins shows a very odd fascination for this murderer. Too bad Myers kills his biggest fan. Shocking, right? But before this, two interviewers visit the facility Myers is in.

These interviewers then visit Laurie Strode, a recluse ever since an encounter with Myers years ago. Myers killed her sister when he was just 6 years old. Did I mention Michael is Laurie’s brother? Myers kills the two interviewers in a gas station bathroom along with a couple other randoms. Reminder: this is in public. How did nobody see or hear any of this going on?

Strode is an interesting character because when she becomes a hermit, she also gets high tech security precautions. This ranges from tall chain fences to multiple locks all over the doors, countless guns, cameras and stadium lights, and even a counter that hides a bunker below it. Where did she accumulate the money for all this?

Myers escapes by crashing a bus that is transferring him to another asylum. In the theater, all I could think was: if this bus was full of such deranged people, why was it not more secure? Hawkins also gets shot by a young boy who was on a hunting trip with his father who happened to pass by. Now, this shot was only out of fear, but Hawkins takes it to the chest.

Another squad car shows up and helps Hawkins, but while he is in the hospital, time passes and portrays that he is fine within 24 hours. I’m no doctor, but this doesn’t seem right because of the critical condition.

On Halloween night, Strode’s granddaughter is at a high school costume party. Her date is a scumbag, blah blah, teen stuff. Because the party went downhill, the date’s best friend follows Allyson (said granddaughter) home and tries to kiss her. After the rejection, Allyson bails on him, leaving him in a backyard they decided to cut through. Myers ends up killing him. How does Myers get around so fast when he just walks? Allyson goes back and sees Myers. Screaming and running, she tries to get away. One thing I noticed about this is pretty much no one looked out their window. She eventually gets into a house and a cop and Hawkins show up.

Allyson’s best friend, Vicky, is babysitting a young boy. In all honesty, this young boy is probably the most realistic and funniest person in these kinds of situations. Of course, the babysitter gets killed along with her boyfriend (standard girlfriend/boyfriend situation when the child’s parents aren’t home). The child sees Vicky and Myers and he dips from the premises to look for help. You know, what you’re SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS.

The cop takes Allyson to the safety of Laurie’s home where her parents also are. The cop sees Myers, so he floors the car and hits him. This upsets Hawkins and he then kills said cop. Hawkins then drags his body into the back of the squad car where Allyson is. Presumably, Allyson is very uncomfortable and scared, but this doesn’t phase Hawkins. He claims “once Myers wakes up, he won’t hurt them.” This is when Myers kills Hawkins (ironic). What confused me was why didn’t he attacked Allyson first? Logically, Myers could’ve gotten them both if he started with her. But instead, after killing Hawkins, he gets out and Allyson can finally make a run for it.

Despite the fact that her grandmother’s house is about 100 feet further, she runs straight into the woods. A girl in a horror movie running aimlessly and like a moron? Neeeever. She also didn’t look forward to see ANOTHER squad car sitting at the end of the road to guard the house. Myers kills those cops too.

Suddenly, the recent cop car rolls up to the front of the house, and the dad assumes they brought back Allyson. Hey, there are those dead cops. This mean Myers strategically drove the car up and propped the dead bodies back up. While the dad is looking, Myers, of course, kills him.

Despite taking many blows, Myers doesn’t react to pretty much anything. Realistically, how could he not even let out a small shriek? If a ball were to be thrown at my face, I’d say “ow” before it even hit me just in case it does hurt. How does he not show anything?

Lastly, while the three struggle to get out of the bunker, Karen cages Myers in with a contraption Laurie set up. She then hits a switch that blows a flammable gas onto a small source of fire throughout the whole house. Suddenly, the house starts to burn, killing Michael in the bunker. Of course, he does NOTHING about this.

The final scene shows the women in the back of a squad car, with Allyson holding a knife she stabbed Michael’s arm with. First of all, why would the cop that picks them up let her take it in? And secondly, the camera pans to the frame of the knife in her hand. Then ominous music plays over it. More than likely, the director is going to try to open up a window to make a sequel to this movie. Basically, the way every horror movie gets milked (I’m looking at you “Insidious”).

Over the two day setting of the movie, Michael kills 17 people. You’d think law enforcement would be doing better, but hey, aside from not being a doctor, I’m also not a cop.