I remember the day I opened my acceptance letter perfectly. It was a Thursday, on January 11, 2018. To put it in perspective, I am a nerd- one who especially appreciates history. This day specifically was my idol Alexander Hamilton’s two hundred and sixty first birthday. I was super happy all day long. I wore an extra nice outfit just to celebrate the occasion, and was in a good happy mood all day long. I went before work (at a preschool) to visit my boyfriend briefly, then arrived early at work to photocopy Alexander Hamilton coloring sheets for my kids to do. It was a history lover’s dream come true.  

This school was my top choice, the only school I could actually see myself being happy and successful at. When I was on campus, I felt like I was at home. I felt happy and calm and like it was a the perfect school for me. I could not see myself at any other school, and could picture more than perfectly myself studying at this school. I got to know my admissions counselor very well, I sent her all my work for my Gold Award and made sure she had my most recent ACT scores. She always emailed me with enthusiasm and seemed very excited to talk to me all the time.

I was in my element, with the kids I loved, at the job I loved talking about a subject I loved. All of a sudden I received a text message from one of the two people who actually remembers I have a cellphone- my mother.

This text message consisted of a photo of an envelope from my top choice college. The top of the envelope read “Class of 2022”, an implication that before I even opened the letter I was accepted. Chills grew up my spine, as I texted my mom at least five times begging her to bring the envelope to my job so I could open it. She agreed to, so I waited around in the classroom anxiously waiting for my mother to show up.  “Here” her text read, in that moment I bolted out the door as fast as I could. She was not even packed yet, she had my brother send the text to me while she was still pulling in. I ran to the moving car, and was motioned to calm down as I approached.

I held the thick white envelope in my hands, the first non-digital college answer I had gotten all year. I very ungracefully tore it open, and went right for the folder that held the results of my application. I read the letter quickly, and by quickly I mean I read nothing after “congratulations”. My heart nearly skipped a beat, I could not contain my excitement in any way, even if I tried.  My hands began shaking, and I couldn't help myself from bursting of joy, I could hardly focus on the package. I handed it back to my mother, and she began looking more in depth at the package.

“Oh my God” my mother gasped.

I looked over at my mom, she was pointing at a financial package that was in the package. They gave me half of the tuition off, I could definitely afford to go to this school too. Everything worked out the way I wanted it to.

A month later, I went to visit the school, and I finally met the admissions counselor in person. She was very excited to meet me, and knew exactly who I was and remembered specific things that were in my application. She specifically commented on my Gold Award, which I had sent her the information for after I had applied to the school.

At the college, there is a prestigious honors program called the “presidential fellows”. They accept the best of the best candidates to be in this program, and pretty much all they get is a free trip in the beginning of the year and special housing privileges Freshman year. It essentially was just a title, and it would not have affected my course selections anyway since I have the credits already to get out of most core requirements. Yet it still would have meant the world to me to be invited into this program. Since before I even applied to the school I had my eye on this program. I imagined getting an invitation for it so well it almost felt like a memory. I had the exact moment planned out in my head for months. I would arrive to the mailbox, to open it and find a fancy invitation inside of it from the college. I would open it and read that I was invited into the Presidential Fellows program. I would be happier than I was when I opened by acceptance letter, and would feel like I really accomplished something.

Sadly that is not how it went at all. On the night of February 15th, I was a little upset as it was. I began to suspect that I would not be invited into the program, and I did figure I would have gotten an invitation for it by now. Why would they send me my financial package but not an invitation to Presidential Fellows? In what realm of reality did that make any sort of sense whatsoever? As I stressed myself out thinking about the “what ifs” I decided to finally relieve my stress and ask the Facebook group if anybody had received an invitation for Presidential Fellows. Maybe they just did not send them out yet.

After I sent out the post, I hopped in the shower confident there was nothing to worry about anyway. I came back to my room to find that a few people had commented on my post. Maybe they know something I do not know?

To my own heartbreak, it turned out that I did not hear back from the Presidential Fellows because I was not invited to it. Not getting invited into the Presidential Fellows in my eye was a fate worse than death. I sat on the floor and sobbed the night I found out I didn't get it. I even yelled at my mom when she came in my room to check on me. The whole world went dark and I could not find any reason to be happy or cheerful for the next few days after that.

Luckily, I was able to get back up after a while. I realized something coming up, I did not need Presidential Fellows. I could do great with or without it. It was now even more of a goal for me to do the best I possibly can, I’ll show those snooty Presidential Fellows who’s boss! I sincerely apologize if I end up getting a letter before the end of the year, it is still a possibility.