When I was a young girl my Pap spoiled me I never got in trouble with him, I was his little buddy. I was always by his side, wherever he went I went. I would always sit in his lap, help him in the shed, played outside with him. My pap only had one leg, but he could run faster than all of us. When we would race him he always won. At seven or eight years old I wasn't able to see him any longer.

             I am seventeen years old now. It was around thanksgiving 2017 when I got back in touch with the people I considered family, my dad kept me away from them for years. I haven't seen or spoken to them in eight or so years. My dad wouldn't allow it because it is his ex girlfriend and her family. Sue might not of given birth to me but she is my mom, she raised me. My dad gave up his rights 3 years ago, so a month before thanksgiving I looked them up on facebook and I started a conversations with Sue. Then a week or so before thanksgiving she asked if I wanted to come down, of course I said yes. It was a happy but really emotional time, I learned a lot about my past.

            Christmas break I went again, that's when I finally learned about my Paps cancer. I missed a lot in the seven years that my dad kept me away from them. This was my Paps third round of cancer. We had an amazing time together we had a family meal, we all played uno together are game ended because the picnic table collapsed. It's not christmas unless you have something happen. But it got to the point where all my Pap did was sleep, he barely ate. So we had an early New Years with my Pap. Then I went home on the second of January.

             I received a text at 4:02 AM from Sue, The text read “call me when you get up.” I read the text at 9:23 AM a part of me already knew but I didn't want to believe it I was saying to myself “no…  no it can't be, it has to be something else.” so I called it was silent the she said the words that I will never forget “he's gone he passed around 2 AM” I fell silent I was so angry because I just got him back in my life. I barely had two months but only 3 visits with him. I never got to tell him that I loved him. I was on the phone with Sue for twenty minutes but none of us spoke.

             The viewing was January 19th, 2018 I swore to myself that I would hold myself together and be strong. As soon as I walk into the Funeral Home I lost it. I saw his body in the casket lifeless, we put pictures and other items into the casket. The funeral was worse, but I wrote a letter to put in his casket. Watching them close the casket was the hardest thing to do. Watching them put him in the ground was harder. All that went through my head is that this is a dream. It had to be a dream, but as we all know it wasn't.

                                                        I had to say goodbye, rest in peace pap

                                                         November 14, 1941-January 13, 2018