DAVID HASSELHOFF “SILENT NIGHT”

Hasselhoff is not only Knight Rider, but is also a huge pop star in Germany and Austria and the Guinness World Record holder for the highest reverse bungee jump. Baywatch was fun, he killed it on Dancing With The Stars and his Broadway roles have been pretty epic, but when it comes to Christmas carols The Hoff ought to stay silent in the day as well as night. David, this is wack.

NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK “FUNKY, FUNKY CHRISTMAS”

NKOTB once ruled the teenage music world, and for good reason—the dancing, the haircuts, the MC Hammer pants? The best. There comes a point however when all solid pop acts are forced to do Christmas albums full of completely wack original songs. This is one of them. Maybe it was considered decent back in the day, but like many 90s stars, this song hasn’t aged that well.

REGIS PHILBIN “WHITE CHRISTMAS”

If you are an old white man attempting a Bing Crosby holiday classic in a serious manner, you better bring your A-game. His voice is decent, but it’s hard to take him seriously when all you can picture is him goofing with Kathy Lee. One song might’ve been passable, two songs even, but Regis recorded a whole album, a truly wack one. Bing would not be pleased.

JUSTIN BIEBER AND BUSTA RHYMES “DRUMMER BOY”

Just like the New Kids, a major music label made Bieber do a Christmas album. Just like NKOTB, Biebs has the moves and Biebs has the hair. But you can’t auto-tune the wackness out of a Christmas song, and no matter what the label paid Busta, he should’ve asked for more, then crawled up the chimney to escape the studio. This song is rum-pa-pum-dumb.

WILLIAM HUNG “LITTLE DRUMMER BOY”

American Idol superman William Hung’s “Little Drummer Boy” is so wack that it’s almost awesome. In a world of Photoshop fakery, William is lovably #NoFilter, and when he sings “I played my best for him,” he really means it. Unfortunately, he quit performing and joined the LA Sheriff’s Department in 2011, and therefore can no longer commit great musical crimes like this one.