After slacking off on writing this article in due time, I find myself sitting in the dark on this fine evening, wondering where to go from here on out now that the soccer season is over.

Regardless of what went down in this season, with 15 of the 16 games ending in loses and one being a tie (arguably, that game would’ve also been a loss if it hadn’t been for the decision of no overtime due to limited lighting after sunset), I would look back at it as a learning experience on how to attempt at learning something one does not have talent or affinity for. For me, it seems, soccer was something I always wanted to do but never had the right “circumstances” for.

As always, though this article is meant to be for Newfield Varsity Soccer in Fall 2021-2022, what I can give most accurately is my perspective and views, nothing less or more. I could also name all the players I played with, but I’m afraid that referring to them by name would also be an insult to how devoted, talented, inspiring, hard-working they are. Their names, in my eyes, shouldn’t be in this article. They are better represented elsewhere, and I hope most reading this article know them or are curious enough to figure out elsewhere. 

So, starting, I didn’t make it to the team last year. I was like one of the 3 or 4 people that didn’t make it through, and I knew perfectly well why or how I was one of them. On top of not having the needed skills, I was bad at communication. The team last year was filled with players who played together for a while now, and I couldn’t see myself doing much even if I made it. This year, however, I think I found the perfect teammates I could not only trust and rely on but would also find them doing the same towards me. I was one of the upper-classmen, so maybe that boosted my confidence and approval too. The starting line-up was mostly juniors with some seniors, including the goalkeeper, and of course, the popular middle-schooler everyone cheered for at the Pep Rally. 

The Hell Week, which is the tryouts, set the tone I thought. The first day was pouring, and no other day afterward in the season poured that badly. To my surprise, most of the tryout players were speedy, if nothing else. The running repeats felt awful for me after a summer of no movement, but everyone, most anyways, seemed right comfortable. Skipping to right after the tryouts, the first game was near in sight and thighs were falling into place: we had our starting line-up, the potential subs, and some subs who will rarely play unless we get desperate. The usual. But after the losses started kicking in and the coaches’ motivational words did not produce results, some other things became clear too. I don’t know if it’s the schooling after a year of virtual, or the ridiculous amount of AP classes the juniors and seniors were taking, but Friday games were downright awful and Monday games were energetic, for the most part. So it became a matter of holding the energy high enough through the weeks. It didn’t help.

At one point, I recall, there were some talks about trusting your teammates and not pointing fingers at each other. It’s the whole idea of being a Family that won and lost together. It was unavoidable, though. Some of us felt like trying on one day and not other days, and it was so mixed up that the problems were varied from game to game. The only consolation, I think, is that there was no shortage of energy or trying in the practices. So as a person who has almost no knowledge of the sport, I couldn’t figure out why it didn’t work out, why we couldn’t win a single game. Perhaps the better players among us (there’s your reference to that whole trend) knew what went on. I overheard some of the returners for next year talk about a “lost season” and “next year will be better” I think maybe halfway through the season. 

Now that I have some free time before fencing starts soon, I can only find myself disappointed in myself. I went in trying to be a better player myself, but that wasn’t enough to pull us out. We went down as a team, but the limited assistance I gave in trying to hold it up is what frustrates me. I will keep looking back at this season as a constant reminder that my best, physical and mental, is not good enough to accomplish things. Many more needed things in life make or break any activity or goal. This happened to be one such instance I could see that, plain as day.

Though it was mostly a matter of scores and achievements. I think we did well, really well. I am biased here, of course, but I loved every practice and the seriousness of the players. I might be wrong on this, but sometimes when players are full of themselves they don’t try as much anymore. I have never seen that, and this season also kept that streak up. It’s just frustrating that the season ended so early, without any proper closer or achievement to mark it down. History is awful to the losers, and even if, even when, the next year’s team goes on to do well, I just don’t see anyone looking back at this season as anything more than a misfortune. Fortunately, I might be one of the few that are unreasonably stubborn about our place in the world, and that will allow me to always remember this season as a good little chapter to go in my life’s book. After all, though I lost and the team lost, I gained so much that I never cared about the scores. Sure, we missed out on celebrations and joys, but I don’t think anyone became any lesser for this. It would be a shame if they did, for there was nothing anyone individually or as a whole could’ve done to avoid this. It is what it is. 

I’m not the most subtle or artistic with words, maybe one of the very words, but this level of passive-aggressive pessimism towards myself gave me a shot at trying my absolute best on my first and final season of varsity soccer. I don’t expect to be remembered, but I will remember all those friendly faces and gestures and voices as long as I live as a testament to how when a group of people brings their bonds up to the level of Family, it is something else entirely than to try and win as a team in a high school sport. Here, the former gained more meaning than the latter.